


Illusions

by amuk



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Community: 31_days, F/M, Family, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 08:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/pseuds/amuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They follow you around and you find yourself forgetting what it is like to be alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Illusions

**Author's Note:**

> Theme: 26. Someone please balance my world

It’s funny how lost you can feel when you are surrounded by hundreds. It isn’t as though you didn’t anticipate this or expect it. Quite the contrary, you knew this would happen. If nothing else, you knew that this would have to happen eventually.

 

After all, how can you really connect with anyone when you spend most of your time shying away? You smile and whether it is a fake smile or a real smile doesn’t matter as it’s a smile that is meant to distract and deflect people. You lead them in circles, making them think they know you when in reality no one knows you.

 

Not even yourself.

 

All you know is that you are tired of avoiding people and saying things that are not what you want to say, laced with words that are not enough anyways. You are tired of having to lie and cheat your way out of situations you know that if—an if that will always remain an _if_ —you are normal, you can easily stay in.

 

You are tired because Watanuki gives himself to you too easily and it is hard to refuse. He smiles and follows you around, like a small animal you saved and won’t leave. Domeki comes with him sometimes and you find yourself forgetting what it is like to be alone.

 

That’s a dangerous thought, though, because the moment you forget something bad might happen. You might not remember what you do unintentionally and you might do it to the only people you care about.

 

(What scares you the most is that they might hate you if they find out and it shocks you to find out how selfish you are becoming.

 

It also shocks you to find out you don’t care and just desperately wish that they would stay with you as well.)

 

You think that maybe you won’t forget, that maybe you won’t let them suffer. You still keep them near you because you can’t stand that loneliness anymore but you try to keep them a little away as well.

 

When Watanuki gets hurt, you don’t feel surprised at all. You knew this would happen but you also wanted to ignore it.

 

Running and hiding didn’t keep the truth at bay. You’re just happy it kept it away for as long as it did.

 

When _she_ gives you that offer, you don’t hesitate.

 

(At least now you will look as ugly as you feel.)

 

However, when Watanuki doesn’t let you go like you expect him to, you are surprised. Domeki also pulls you back, the invisible threads tying all three of you together growing tighter and stronger by the minute.

 

You almost want to scream, _let me go! Haven’t I hurt you enough?_

 

Instead, you grab onto them both and hope that your world can stay like this forever.

 

(And even though you know that forever is a myth, you think that if it is a lie slipping off their lips, you can believe it’s true.)


End file.
